ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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