I don't usually arrange sex via text message
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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