Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
