Porn is love you can see.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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