i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I intend to get homeless drunk
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
