so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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