I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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