just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
