and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
