my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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