she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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