Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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