His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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