can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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