this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
