No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
