I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
third nipple confirmed
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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