I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
