Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
