I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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