There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
