This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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