I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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