When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
