somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
