i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
