you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
