I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
