how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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