Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
