Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
