Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
