I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm like, not good at living.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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