I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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