i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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