My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
