the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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