i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
