Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
