Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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