It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
this just has baby written all over it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
