Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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