Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
