In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
