i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
meet me or not, i'm out of control
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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