"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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