Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
