I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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