I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
