Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
