why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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